This is not just for my younger brothers, it’s for any black men that may come across this post.
I have been meaning to do a more positive post on black men for some time now. As most of my posts are focused on how amazing black women are.
This post is not a “I love black men they can do no wrong” post. Neither is it a “I’m done with black men” post. This is me attempting to be encouraging instead of dismissive, hopefully you can see that *crosses fingers & toes.
Recently I started to think about my younger brothers.
The other day we was all sitting down watching Ellen interviewing Nicki Minaj. After Nicki confirmed her and Nas are dating in a round about way, she went on to say that she “hates men” and at the point my eighteen year old brother said “Urgh I don’t want to hear this” – I instantly felt sick and really uncomfortable.
I will tweet #MenAreTrash all day, everyday until I see some changes, but hearing my brother saying he didn’t want to hear it made me feel guilty. Guilty because I have spent all this time focusing on the things black men don’t do, and I haven’t even taken the time to explain to my brothers why black women are angry, frustrated and tired.
I automatically feel as if my words fall on death ears, so I have given up explaining and listening. Now I’m just disappointed, which shows whenever I come into contact with black men I may or may not be interested in. I’m waiting for you to slip up and say something ignorant, misogynistic or problematic. This shouldn’t be happening.
To prevent women and anyone else who may meet my brothers from feeling the same way, I feel like it’s important for me to say something.
Even my youngest brother who is only fourteen said “Oh here we go again” whilst we was watching one of the GrapevineTV episodes. At fourteen he has already noticed a pattern in conversation when it comes to black women talking about black men. I do not want him growing thinking black women dislike black men.
Their three part episode on Serena Williams & Interracial Dating, one of my favourite episodes mainly because the women were just talking all kinds of truths in those videos⤵
When we say we hate men, we don’t hate you, it’s not a personal attack (unless you’re just a bad egg). We hate the way society has encouraged you to treat women badly. We hate the fact that you don’t understand why we address this. We hate the way society has brainwashed you into thinking gender inequality is logical.
Please read Kandice’s If I Ruled The World – She goes through the various things she’s going to do to ensure her son grows up to have his own mind and respects women.
I don’t want to make this about black women because this post is really for black men. I want black men to understand that these comments that we make aren’t coming from nowhere and that we are aware that the views that you have are not completely your own, but they’re views and thoughts that must be unlearnt. It’s a slow and hard process, there’s no disputing that. It’s not an other night thing, however everyday should be an opportunity to challenge your thoughts and opinions on women.
Use your platforms to spread positivity and support your brothers and sisters. Listen, understand and unlearn.
Nobody loves and supports black men more than black women, we witness this every day. Our love is harsh, sometimes sharp and delivered with a large block of ice. That’s something we have to work on ourselves. We have been brought up just like you to be strong and to show no weakness. We understand and sympathise with the added pressure of being the right kind of man.
Black men are divine.
There are no others like you.
I love my brothers more than anything and I would want nothing more than for them to be proud to call me their big sister without feeling obliged because we are related. But because I have made it clear that not one part of me hates them because they are men… black men.
I want my brothers to grow up knowing that society doesn’t define them, they define themselves.
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SAABIRAH LAWRENCE 