From a young age, I knew self-confidence was important however, Instead of focusing on myself, I would always look at everyone else. On the constant hunt for cheat codes and short cuts to get me to where everyone else seemed to get to with ease.
A few years ago I would have probably said someone with low self-esteem may need to be taught how to be confident. I now believe confidence isn’t something that is necessarily taught in sense that there is a ”How To” for confidence, but confidence can definitely be encouraged.
Low Confidence & Low Self Esteem
We were not born with low self-esteem and low self-confidence, so where does it all come from? What is it that creates self-doubt and low self-esteem? There are many reasons why we are the way we are, what we do know is that those around us, our lifestyles, experiences, the media and how we manage a variety of things that life throws at us, shapes how we see ourselves and those around us.
What we believe about ourselves is incredibly important, when we start to believe the negative things we are told about ourselves whether it is from someone else or ourselves. It becomes difficult to see yourself in a positive light and that has its effect on your confidence which tends to affect other areas of our lives. In order to gain that power and confidence back, we must be knowledge where are at and some form of self-acceptance has to take place.
“Confidence isn’t exclusive, confidence is for everyone.” – Mel / ‘Too Fat To Be Confident‘ Video
It Starts With Self Acceptance!
Living in a capitalist society that tells us what we need to buy into in order to get to a level of happiness that we crave more and more which each year that passes. Just leaves us constantly chasing and constant buying into something that doesn’t cost anything on a monetary level, and that something is self-acceptance.
*Attempts to speak about self-acceptance without it sounding cheesy (bare with me).
We have been taught that what we want starts with us doing something and being something else, whilst those we admire also tells us to “be yourself”. This confusing message can and does make it difficult to know who you are to even begin with. It is not that you’re lost or unaware of who you are, just that we need time to remember who you are and some may decide to redefine who they are. and working with what you have and changing what you want to change out of love instead of hate is not easy.
You Maintain It With Self Awareness & Self Care
There will always be similarities, but it is important to know that your journey is just that, yours. Take inspiration from others, learn from others, just make it your own. Your confidence doesn’t have to look how others expect it to look, your confidence may not even look like it does for others, that doesn’t take anything away from who you are and the work you have put into your journey.
The presence of Self-acceptance doesn’t mean accountability is absent. We all have to hold ourselves accountable, accepting yourself comes with you looking at yourself and being honest about where you are at that moment, what are you willing to do to change things? If things don’t change will you still be Okay? The things you do is it for you or is it for everyone else?
My confidence has grown by meeting new people, getting a change of perspective and I have taken myself out of my comfort zone. With all this I also accepted that I will only ever be myself, I will never be anyone else, so I made the decision to accept myself where I am at, with an open mind. We always change and grow so I haven’t restricted myself to looking, Being and acting one type of way, it’s not realistic and has helped me focus on other areas of my life that require more of my time and energy.
Building up your confidence takes time, there’s no short course but I will say it starts with you looking at where you’re at, looking at what you believe to be true about yourself, ask yourself where the low self-esteem comes from and if you truly believe it or if it’s a case of it’s easier to believe the negative than it is to believe the positive? It isn’t easy, but it’s necessary. Self-confidence really makes a difference in all areas of our lives and it’s a journey that doesn’t have an end date, so take your time and focus on you.
Featured On: The Raw Dosage Podcast – Episode 13: The Quiet Black Girl Ft. Saabirah Lawrence.
SAABIRAH LAWRENCE 
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